Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
