I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
