I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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