youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
