butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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