Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize