just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
