Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I've blown a few things in my day
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize