why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
