scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
