My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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