Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
