meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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