if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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