you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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