So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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