Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
