I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
