so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
