white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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