Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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