I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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