Me. At least after what I've been through.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize