The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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