4 words: hood of his car
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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