Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
