You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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