you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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