Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have fence marks all over my body
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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