Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize