You're my little dorito
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
