i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
