Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
