Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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