yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
