You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
