You don't have asthma, your pregnant
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
