I want to make a zoo with you.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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