operation have a gay friend backfired
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
