shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
