You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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