i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize