he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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