The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
