paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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