I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
They have beer where we have blood.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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