you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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