So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
