well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
