I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
4 words: hood of his car
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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