If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
