Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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