Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
