is your mom at the bar?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
