so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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