no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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