More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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