i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
