Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
